The Girlfriend Game by Tom Torero and Steve Sapporro is a brief but informative introduction to getting a girlfriend and meeting and dating more women in general. Tom and Steve are also co-founders of GetaGirlfriendYouWant.com, which offers pickup and dating advice, though it’s geared towards promoting particular, paid products. I became familiar with Tom Torero through Daygame.com which runs bootcamps for approaching women during the day. I’m in the midst of reading Tom’s memoir Daygame (review forthcoming) and along with his articles, videos and podcasts, I know Tom to be an excellent source of information on meeting and seducing women.
The chapters of The Girlfriend Game are organized around the five “mistakes” that men make about women. These are: Neediness, Romance Before Sex, Not Knowing What Girls Think About Sex, Male/Female Polarity, Lack of Action.
Many men have a scarcity mentality when is comes to women. They believe that a narrow window in their 20s in the best time to solidify a relationship with a girl on the path to marriage. Lots of guys settle for the first, best girl that they meet and attract, thinking that it’s the best that they can do. The irony is that a committed, monogamous man runs the risk of losing his treasured “One” by becoming needy. As stated in the book, “replacing neediness with abundance is the most important mindset when it comes to finding a girlfriend you want.” Not until you’ve met and dated many women will you have the experience necessary to know what you want in a woman and then keep the one you choose.
Men have many ideas about what women think about sex and many of them are wrong. Women think about sex just as much if not more than men do. You’d have to explore evolutionary psychology to learn the dynamics of this behavior, but men are often confused about this because theres a social stigma attached to women being open about sex which is not the case for men. The basic thing to remember is that pursuing women with sexual intent is not just normal but it’s part of our biological make up. Women aren’t as open about sex up front, but it’s a dominant part of their thinking, just as it is for men.
One of the challenges facing modern men is the blurring of male and female roles in society. This manifests itself in a variety of ways, but the consequence is that men fail to play the masculine role in polarity to the femininity of women. Men are responsible for approaching a woman, getting her number, setting up a date, taking her home, escalating physically, sex, etc. Tragically, many men defer to social conventions and end up losing women that they didn’t push the envelope with. Women will be clear if they’re not interested or unsure about a man whether it’s after the initial approach, on the date or in the bedroom. The only way you’ll ever know is to honestly express your desires through your word and actions. Timing and technique are important, but you have to try and make mistakes before you learn.
The final chapter on taking action is also a good summary of the theme of the book. Life is short, “When you die there will be…No chance to take back those wasted days…No chance to realize that looks don’t matter at all…No chance to create what you want to create…” We only have this one shot to create the life of our dreams so there’s no time to delay. When it comes to women you must approach many of them, overcome your anxiety and reap the rewards. Some women won’t even want to talk to you, while others will be thrilled that you stopped them. Though the title of the book implies finding one girlfriend, the lessons contained here apply if you’re looking for just one girl or you’d like to date many women. Whatever your choice, it’s clear to me that having many social interactions with women is just as critical to monogamous, long-term relationship success as it is to doing well casually dating a variety of women.
The Girlfriend Game is book that I thoroughly enjoyed, particularly because I haver read a lot of pickup and game advice over the past year, so it helped to refresh many concepts in my mind and showed how they related to one another. Since I’m interested in self-improvement as a whole, I liked that this book also challenged the reader to improve themselves beyond just learning to attract women. Ultimately a man with an attractive lifestyle will pull all sorts of women into his orbit. The challenge is to “Take action now. Take one small step. Just one and then keep taking a small step each day. Stop living like you are going to live forever. You aren’t.“
